A Tale of Two Traffic Violations

This was my second run-in with the law. However, I don't think I will garner any empathy if I insist that I was innocent both times. As Morgan Freeman says of the prison in The Shawshank Redemption - "Everyone in here is innocent..." The first time I had to swerve into the first lane to avoid colliding with a materializing-out-of-thin-air jaywalker, streaking across the road when the green signal was on for us motorists. He was gone at the speed of light and obviously, the Pandu on the prowl at the corner did NOT notice him. Sweet. His bakra-mila-antennas stuck right up and you could almost see the $$ sign flashing in his eyes. What's more, its a lady driver! Even better. Another $ can be added to the previous two, already doing the bhangra in the sockets. He is quick to come and park himself right in front of my car, signaling fiercely to step aside. Trust me, there's nothing more embarrassing than a cop stopping you, making you look and feel like a petty criminal. Wretched feeling it is. But its no time for assessing one's feelings. I aim to wriggle out of the mess. I put on an are-you-serious look on my face. And brandish it to the pot-bellied cop. "Did you see that guy running across the road when the green light was on for me?" I asked the cop. He is not amused. "Madam, fine bharna padega... aapne lane change kiya..." I am incredulous. "But I did that only to avoid colliding with that moron!" Imagine my surprise when he tells me, "Woh toh hai 'maidam'... par aapne rule break kiya.... ek kaam karo.... sau rupaiyon ka chota-sa fine bharo." I was fuming by now. Had I broken the rules with dubious intentions, I wouldn't mind paying up for my mistake. But this was completely irrational. Bordering on exploitative. The guy who put me in trouble must be thanking his stars right now while I was left counting them over the cop's thick head. I reason with him again. "That means I am getting punished for saving someone's life. How can you do that, Sir?" No use. "Fine bharo 'maidam' (again! ugh!) ... phir aap jaa sakte ho..." What the heck? This guy was turning out to be dumber than Paris Hilton. "Tell me one thing Sir," I say patiently. "Had I not switched lanes and continued on the original happy lil' one, you would probably be booking me for murder right now. I chose breaking traffic rules over killing someone. Now you decide which one's wiser." (I wanted to add - grow a brain, you idiot!!) He thought over that for a while. Almost as if it finally dawned on him, he let me go. Whew. Did someone say the truth will set you free? Well, not after you've had to really fight for it. Round one to me.

The second time, I admit I was the dumb one. I have this stupid habit of following the car immediately before me at a traffic light, even if the lights turn red. I don't bother to check the lights. My (senseless) reasoning being - If the car ahead is moving, then so should I. But lights do turn red when you are at the zebra crossing, regardless of whether the car ahead has moved or not. Something similar happened, only this time there was this huge truck in front of me. Blocking my view of the signal. So I happily follow him. Me and a few cars next to me. What happens next is anyone's guess. Enter jet-black-sunglassed Pandu, materializing like my worst nightmare in front of me. Ordering me to stop. Not again, I think!! I am getting (in)famous for this now. Said cop has this smirk on his face that I was determined to wipe off. Whether I was in the wrong or not. So the entire gig repeats itself. You broke the rules, pay up and blah blah. Only this time I adopt a different approach. I asked him why he targeted only me when there were atleast 4 other cars that also jumped the signal. When that didn't ruffle him, I used the one card that was sure to get me out. Not a fair thing to do... but hey, it was important to save my arse too. So I put on a victimized face and accused him of harassing me only 'cause I was a woman. This threw him totally off guard! Sensing a possible winner here, I went on. Told him how we women are always careful while driving (the Haveliwala incident notwithstanding) and how my record was clean (lie, lie!). This seemed to perturb him and he let me go! But not without a repartee - "Agar main aapse fine le leta, toh aap mujhe aur bhi gaali deti...." I gave him my most winning smile and told him how much I respect the police and I would never abuse them. That seemed to inflate his already inflated belly and he laughed. Hasa toh phasa.....! I was a free bird, again! Round two to Avanti, very well done!

There isn't a round 3 (yet) and I hope I NEVER get caught again. I barely got away the last two times and I can't expect to push my luck too far. Besides, after the horrific Noori Haveliwala accident, I am much more careful. Proof? Didn't cross 100 km/hr while on empty streets at 11 pm, all the way from Marine Drive to Borivali via the Sea Link this weekend, though I was itching to go faster. Proud of myself :) Guess I won both rounds, but the cops had some good effect on me nonetheless ;)