Confessions of a Freak

After a tiring & long day at work, I was unwinding a bit, watching TV casually, zapping across myriad channels that were dishing out their daily dope. At 11.30 pm, suddenly, my phone beeps out aloud, startling me outta my lazy reverie. I make a mental note - I must change my SMS ringtone. Its way too loud. In mild irritation, I pick up the phone and read the message. It read thus:

"Pls reach office tomorrow by 9 am sharp as we have an urgent deliverable. Call me as soon as u reach. Will be in Bombay by afternoon. Urgent GN."

Now... wait a minute, I think. My office doesn't function this way. Nor does my boss SMS his employees at late hours, demanding that they come to office by whatever time at whatever place. Most of all - we do NOT use terms like 'urgent deliverables'. We are not a goods-courier company or a maternity hospital. So, this SMS is certainly not from my boss.

Concerned that the message should reach the right person, lest some important deadline is missed, I SMS back to the number:

"You seem to have reached the wrong number."

Behold the impudence of the chap when he replies:

"Is that supposed to be a joke at this hour?? I want u by 9 am."

I am not to be talked to in this manner. And who is this Smart Alec, who thinks he's frightened me enough to dream about the bad-boogeyman during the night? So I reply sternly, but politely:

"Please leave your name."

I then receive a strange, cryptic reply.

"Thats OK. Will discuss in detail tomorrow. No problem, really"

No problemo with me as well. Intentionally omitting to reply back, I fall into a deep slumber. It has indeed been a taxing, bizarre day.

Next day, true to his promise, the oaf SMSes me again!

"Have you reached office?"

I am in the middle of a meeting, and hardly have the time to entertain some queer bird's idea of a noontime shindig. I ignore the intruding SMS again.

Imagine my surprise when the guy actually calls up! It's a sophisticated, well-heeled voice, "Is this Vaishali?" he asks innocently (as if he doesn't know! Two days of constant ignoring of messages, he still expects me to be the one he is looking for!). I was about to lose my cool, but somehow, I calmly say, "No, I DON'T happen to be her. Please do NOT call me or SMS again. And please check your number." I disconnect the line.

When I receive his message again, at 11 pm... I am distinctly amused. This is a prank, for sure. Has to be.

"Pls accept my heartfelt apologies for the faux pas. Appreciate the poise. Cheers"

Compliments now, huh? I decide to play along:

"Will do"

As if this served as a green light, he happily SMSes back:

"Poise, alright! Thanks much"

I am mighty bored by now. The prank has run its course. Someone, somewhere has loads of free time on his platter. I do not reply back, dismissing the entire operation as a failed one.

Eerily, a couple of days after, the jerk SMSes again!!

"Sorry for the bother.. was watching an interview. Gayatri Devi.. you sound so much like her, methinks of course, the poise.. must be similar?? Cheers"

Gayatri she-is-so-freakin-dead Devi??!! WTF??!! I can't decide what I feel more - amusement or irritation. But this has gone far enough now. Whoever you are - friend or foe, this is NOT funny. I will not entertain some goofball who thinks this persistent stalking will make me shit bricks. One more SMS/call from you.... I gonna report you. I have your number, you idiot.

And you certainly won't find anything 'poised' about me then.